A birthday letter to my adopted daughter

Dear Mia, 

today is your 7th birthday. 

It is your 3rd birthday with us. 

On your birthday we often wonder what it was like on the day you were born, 

and what your birth parents might have felt, and we often wish that your birth parents and all those who deemed you worthless could see you now... for the beautiful light that you are. 

It's hard as a mother, to not have baby pictures of you, and to not have been able to have been there to hold you when you were alone. To not have been the one to nurture and care for you in those first few years of your precious life.

To not see you sit up for the first time, or crawl or to see you take your first steps.

I wish I could have smelled your newborn goodness, and listened to your baby sounds and cuddled your tiny squishy body in my arms for hours on end.

I wish you didn't have to spend 4 years alone without knowing what real love was and enduring things that no child ever should.

I wish I could change that.

I have birth stories of each of your sisters, and I remember the sounds and smells and feelings of the day that each of them were born into my life.

Birthdays are a little different as an adoptive parent because I was not part of your life at your birth. And sometimes I get really sad that I don't have that with you, I wasn't there with you when you were a baby.
yes, I have some brief details of the day you were born on January 15, 2007 in Ukraine. I know that you were born at 36 weeks and your birth mother experienced a very hard labor and you were born with the cord wrapped around your neck so you were placed in intensive care for about a month. In that time you were tested for down syndrome and your birth parents decided you could not be part of their life, and they walked away, never to look back. 
You were left at the hospital for a few months, alone.  
At 4 months old you were taken from the hospital to the orphanage where you lived for the next 4 years, 

until May 19, 2011, when a new birth story was written. 

May 19, 2011 we met you for the first time. 


I do have a birth story for you, Mia, it just happened when you were 4, but it was magical and miraculous still the same, just as each of my other girls entrances into my life were. 

Your dad and I were so nervous to be in this foreign country and preparing to meet you. 

The day we met you was complete craziness running from one thing to another, all the while not understanding a bit of the language around us! we had traveled all night on a train to your city after being in the capital city for a few days. 

Dad even got so nervous on the way to your orphanage that he got sick! We had so many hopes and fears of what was to come, 

but the moment we saw you carried into that playroom by your caregiver, in your little lace trimmed dress and red shoes, with your hair all done up in petite little clips, 

all our fears went away and we knew you were ours. 

You were so sweet as you looked upon us in wonder, unsure of what was really taking place. 

All your dad could say was "she is so pretty" over and over. 

People say dad and I were radiating with joy when we met you, and we were. 

You were quiet yet inquisitive and curious as you toddled around that room just as cute as can be, showing off all your talents. 

Within minutes you were already melting your daddy as you wrapped your arms around his neck and sat on his lap. 

Mia, Dad wrote this about that day and our journey to you ...

"Meeting Kareen for the first time was... PERFECT! This day had been in the works for months now and I had gone through every scenario in my head how it would go down; would she look at us and turn around and run, would she bawl her eyes out because she didn't know us or want us near her, would she run up to us and give us a huge hug and a kiss and completely understand what was happening, would she not be able to comprehend at all what was going on and would just sit there quietly, or what would this day be like. In addition to the fear of how she would react to us as a couple, I had the additional fear of how she would react to me as a man. I always assumed (correctly) that most of the caretakers would be female and that she wouldn't have had much interaction with males. Because of that I feared that she would not bond well to me and that our relationship would take a long time to develop before she was accepting of me as a father figure in her life.

Well, going into this with all that fear, concern, and uneasiness, all it took was 10 minutes from this little angel to melt her new daddy's heart and assure me that everything was going to work out just fine. 

The moment that she walked through those doors and our eyes met all fear and concern just went away and I knew that this moment was something I'd remember for the rest of my life, just as the moment when each of my daughters were born. After only a few minutes of interacting with her, she came over to me and gave me the biggest hug. Again I just melted. 

The next day, and after only a 10 minute visit on day 1, we picked her up and started walking outside to play with her on the swing set and she pointed to me and said papa, which is dad in Russian, and I just melted. That same evening when we had to take her back inside and leave for the night, and after a couple of her big hugs we handed her off to the care taker and she turned around and tried to get out of the caretaker's arms and reach for us. I melted once again.

It actually almost seems like an understatement to say that the past few days of this journey were Perfect, because they were so much more than that. I feel that each and every moment has been blessed with a spirit of love, which has made them eternally perfect. We have felt the love and support of all our family and friends through each step of the process and especially the past week as we have been here. It has been overwhelming to read the comments and words of encouragement from everyone through blogs, email and other means. It has truly blessed our journey and we are eternally grateful for each and everyone of you."

Mia you continue to be a blessing to our family. 

You spent 4 birthdays alone, but on your 4th birthday your life changed. 

On January 15, 2011, your 4th birthday, we announced publicly that we were going to bring you home, and we celebrated with cake and cards with your family 

in honor of a little girl who had no idea what was about to happen. A little girl we had only a picture of. 

From that moment on you have had more love and support behind you then you will ever really comprehend. Countless miracles were in place to find you. 

One month after you were born, another little girl was born half way around the world. 

A little girl who would change hearts, and teach her parents that there was much more to life then they had ever planned. 

She would pave the path that would lead you home. 

And together the two of you would shine like you were meant to do. 

Mia you have taught us how to love beyond what we think we can do. 

You have showed us that when we reach outside ourselves we can grow in ways we never thought possible. 

It's hard for me to comprehend what your birth parents felt or why they did what they did, but I am grateful to them for bringing you into this world, so that I could benefit from having you in my life. 

So that I could be your mother. 

I thought I knew what love was until you came along and showed me how to stretch that love to a whole new level. Our family and all those who know you, are forever changed because of you. 

The first moments of your life with us, your birth into our family, are captured here. And just as with your sisters births, I can remember the feelings, sounds, smells, and emotions of this day as if it was yesterday. If you listen closely at the first you hear mom and dad crying as you enter the room and we are finally able to meet our sweet girl!

and on this birthday of yours we are happy to celebrate you and we are thankful you are in our lives. 

Happy Birthday Miss Mia! May you always know you are loved!

"once upon a time a child was born into this life, 

            heaven could be seen in her eyes

      there was no doubt she was divine

                           if you are still you will feel the truth that the princess in this                                wonderous story is you. "