The overwhelming evaluations and IEP's.
Bree will be turning 3 this month and so she will be leaving the early intervention program and going to preschool. Now first of all, it is hard enough to let any of my 3 year olds go to preschool...I didn't send them to preschool until they were 4, but Bree seems even harder to send. She should still be my baby and I don't know if she can fend for herself. Through the early intervention program the therapists came right to my home and I was a part of every session so it is hard for me not to be there with her.I am having a really hard time with it all. I think it is the fact that this is the beginnig of "public education" for Bree and I won't be there to protect her. I know this preschool is different than elementary but it is all starting and I don't know that I am ready for it. When Bree was born I felt like this day was SO far off, and I was glad because I didn't want her to start growing up because growing up means more chance for heartache and more of the things I am scared of with Bree and now here we are....meeting with therapists, and teachers, and setting up goals. The evaluation and IEP meetings were overwhelming, meeting with a speech therapist, language specialist, occupational therapist, physical therapist, special ed teacher, classroom teacher, and special ed district person, all at once. In my opinion, Bree did really well with her evaluation and when we met today they had the results of the evaluation. It is not like any of this news about where she stands developmentally is a surprise but it is still hard to have people "score" your child's development against a "typical" child and then tell you how behind they are. It makes a mom want to stand up for her child, because I know how capable and smart she is and I know the "typical" testing doesn't test all of that. According to the tests she had an overall score of 75 where a "typical" child would be 100. So really I felt pretty good about it, it is just a new phase and a new emotion that is going to come along with all of these evaluations.
I am VERY excited about this school though! All of the therapists and teachers seem wonderful and it is so inclusive. Bree is actually the only child there right now with down syndrome. They just had 4 leave, so I was a little sad that she wouldn't have someone there with her. She will be in a regular classroom with about 15 kids and 2 teachers plus the special ed teacher. Her therapists will work with her during class as well as pull her out of class for therapy. I am most excited about the speech therapist because that is what I really want Bree to start getting. Bree has just started to try to copy more sounds and words in the last few weeks so I think she is close to developing more language.The physical therapist was really pleased with Bree and felt like there wasn't a whole lot to work on in the gross motor department right now, which was exciting news. She still set some goals, but it was probably her best area of the evaluation. Many times during the evaluation I would be asked questions about If Bree can do this or that and often times my response was "I don't know....I never thought to try" For example, they gave her a pair of scissors and she of course didn't know how to use them and I thought....Am I a bad mom because I haven't thought to teach her some of these things? I realized, again, how much I took for granted with my other two girls. They just figured stuff out and I didn't have to think much about alot of it. It also makes me realize how miraculous the body, mind and development of a child really is.
I guess my point to all this rambling is that it is scary, and somewhat emotional for me to be entering a new phase. I was just getting comfortable with the phase I was in and now I have a whole new bundle of things to deal with. I know it is also an exciting time and I really think Bree will excel by being in this preschool and I am grateful I can have her there, but the big wussy mom in me is having a hard time with it.
(can't leave without a picture!)
18 comments:
I can't believe she's old enough for this already! I too remember talking with you about it when she was little and it seemed SO far away.
I can totally understand your feelings about sending her to preschool at her stage. That would be hard. Like you said, she'll probably love it and thrive, but it will be hard for you!
And, it's always hard to have someone "grade" your child against others. I think 75/100 sounds really good. Way to go Bree. What a cutie. Good luck with all this school stuff, sounds pretty overwhelming! Love ya.
PS We should get together some night soon when Kris is gone late. . . we could come to your house with yummy food or something. What do you think?
I totally see where you are coming from. Staci and I felt the same. We realized this weekend that Katya will be registering for Kindergarten next year! The most amazing thing is how much Katya has developed since being in this preschool.
When she got tested and we did goals, one of the goals was to be able to walk out to the playground and back without any help (she was barely walking at that time) and we knew she would eventually get there, but it still seemed like a big hurdle. Turns out she was able to do it by the time school started (which was a BIG relief).
I know how you feel (except from a dad's perspective, which I am sure is different).
Isn't it exciting dealing with a whole new bundle of challenges you didn't even know you were so good at, though?
i can't believe that she is turning 3, that went by so fast. You'll grow to love IEP's, they have been such a help for me. Setting goals that are specific to you and your needs, not just the schools. It relly is a gret program. My children grew leaps once they enter the integrated preschool, i am certain that Bree will also excel beyond your current thoughts of what she is capible of doing. And Kecia... it's okay to be a wussy mom :)
I so feel for you! We will be having Macy's pre-school eval in March (she turns 3 in June but won't start school until Sept). I am really nervous for the transition even though I am also kind of excited for her to get out and explore new opportunities. It doesn't seem fair that our kids are always "evaluated" or graded as to where they are developmentally and even though we know they are behind, it still sucks to hear it from other people. Because yes, we see how smart and amazing they are on a daily basis and that just can't be captured on a silly test. I know there is a purpose and try to assume that most people have their best interests in mind but it can be so gut wrenching at times!
It is frustrating when they are constantly asking you "can she do this" and you haven't though about even trying. We are just trying to do the best we can parenting our kids and I know that for me, it seems Macy does best when I just enjoy and love her and teach her in very similar ways as my other kids instead of making "therapy" such a big deal every second. So that is what I do (trying to be mindful of where she needs extra guidance).
What is the deal with using scissors anyway? Who gives a 2 year scissors? I noticed when I volunteered in my sons pre-school that is a skill that seems to take quite a while for most kids to learn, what is the rush?
Anyway, sorry for the novel! It sounds like Bree is doing so great and I hope the pre-school program works out for you guys. Those word attempt are fun aren't they!
Hang in there and keep updating on how it goes (we will be there soon too!)
I can relate even though I do not have a child with DS. It sounds like she is doing wonderful and what a blessing it is to be able to send her to school where she will be loved, encouraged, and gain knowledge to perpare her for her future. Just think that it wasn't to long ago that child with disablities were shut out of the school systems and were either locked away or just never really given the chance to succeed. The earlier the intervention the more chance she has to suceed. Good luck!
Kecia-
I can relate to how you feel. We just had Jayne's yearly evaluation done and there were a lot of times when they asked me if she could do certain things that I hadn't even thought to try with her. You don't realize how much kids get on their own. I'm sure it is hard to be entering this new phase but hang in there. Bree is such a doll and she will do great! Good luck with everything! That is the cutest picture of her too!
My daughter is 25 but I remember her starting school like it was yesterday. Beth's home therapy ended when she was 2 so I drove her to school the first few weeks. I know how hard it is to let go! I finally agreed to let her ride the school bus (at 2!!) and she absolutely loved it!! She excelled at school and grew socially and acedemically. The first day is the hardest, but it does get easier!
Hi Kecia,
It's Tiffany (Reese) from Skyline. I don't think I've ever commented on here, but I've been reading your blog for a while now, and I just wanted to tell you I think you're an amazing mom. Your little girls are lucky to have you, and I know Bree is especially blessed to have such a wonderful and dedicated mom. I have not had the challenges you have, but your blog and posts are an inspiration to many of us out here trying to be good parents. I hope if I'm ever in a similar situation, I can show the same grace, determination, and patience that you do. Thank you for putting it all out there so openly for us to draw from, and best of luck to Bree (and you!) in this new adventurous phase of her life!
Last night on the news I saw a story about a girl with DS in high school and how she was a cheerleader and the good luck charm of the team. You could tell that she couldn't do all the things that the other girls could, but that didn't matter. She was full of smiles and life and happiness. It made me think of Bree and how she might be at that age. But I can tell you that no matter what you are a great mom... you often inspire me to be better. And Bree can do a lot, (I have never given Lucy scissors, seriously do we have a destruction wish.) I am always amazed when I see her or read your posts about the things she is doing. And it is okay to have a hard time letting her go, because you will let her go, and she will do well. Way to go for being brave enough to let her do this.
As hard as it is to let her go, think of how much she is going to gain from it. She's got so many great therapists there who are all on her team rooting for her to reach goals. I think that is awesome. Those preschool kids are SO lucky that they'll get to have cute Bree in their class. She's so accepting and loving of everyone. As hard as it will be, think of it as sharing her love and happy personality with others. Love that picture!
When I was in the 2nd grade we got a student with Cerebral Palsy named Shelly in our class. My teacher asked me to be her 'helper' and friend so she could feel welcome at school. 18 years later...Shelly is still one of my very best friends. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding. She was in all my classes until our high school split and she went to Timberline. She comes and watches Grays Anatomy with me on Thursdays. She is 'Aunt Shelly' to my daughter! She is a wonderful friend who kept me grounded and focused on the big picture during years when I could have been a bratty self absorbed teenager! She was one of the biggest blessings in my life. I am so thankful to know her.
LIkewise, I just know Bree will have people placed around her that NEED her! It must be so scary to send her off into the world - but Im sure it will be a fantastic adventure for her and she will be experiencing friendship for the first time, which is wonderful! I never saw shelly as different. She was just my friend. Bree will just be "one of the girls"!
Plus, youre the mom and the biggest influence on her. Which just means Bree already feels SO loved and secure and confident because I know how you mother :) And now she gets to go out and share that with others. Its awesome.
FIrst of all, thanks to all the supportive and loving comments! I am SO lucky to have such great friends who share their wisdom and uplift me!
Tiffany-
if you see this, thanks for the comment...do you have a blog? I couldn't find one but I would love to see what you are up to! you can email me at keciajcox@msn.com
All I can say is--go BREE!! She will do great because she has amazing parents like you and Kris and such support surrounding her. I can only imagine all of the worry and fear and the unknown in your heart, and I admire you so much. Love ya!
I think that was the hardest transition for me with Morgan. The early intervention felt so safe and comfortable. I hated losing all of those friends and services. She will do so well in preschool though and will probably love it! I always have to answer "I don't know" to a lot of the questions. I've always thought it was because I must not be a very observant parent. :) The other kids just did stuff on their own so I didn't pay attention to the baby steps leading up to the big milestones. The scissors? I was always extra careful to keep them away from Morgan so she wouldn't hurt herself or cut her hair. Hahaha. Bree is the biggest doll and I really can't wait to finally meet her in real life. It's gonna happen one day. :)
we have maysons 4 year IEP monday..ugh... i hate them!
we have moved her to a new elementary though and i think this IEP experience will be much better than before :)
My dad told me to check out your blog...and I smiled at the sight of your little blondie. Thank you for your comment...your life looks...well, beautiful.
Just stumbled on your blog. :) I love this picture ... how cute!
The whole preschool transition is very hard, but after all is said and done, you will be SO happy for what it has done for your daughter. :) Good luck and stand your ground in your IEP!
Wow, so fun to read your entries because I am just a couple weeks behind you on all of this stuff. IEP's, birthday, world DS day, first day of school, etc. I have felt so many of the same emotions as you. I think my IEP process may have been a little more difficult. The group the first meeting was very rude, wouldn't answer my questions, and rated Charity way hard because they only met her once when she was totally sick. Right after the IEP, I was surprised to feel all the same emotions after her diagnosis after birth. I hadn't felt those feeling for so long, like doors were close and loss of hope. Luckily it didn't last long like before. Just 2 really hard/sad days and then I was cool and got to work and put my love and compassion on the line for her. Advocating for all she deserves. I made that video you watched. Showed it at the next meeting so they could get to know Charity and that meeting went a whole lot better and I could tell the group was touched. Anyways, there is always hope to be found in whatever sorrows anyone feels. And I found it again, and things are great. But, I totally understand what you have been feeling. (sorry for the long post, it is just so fun having someone so similar 3 girls, daughter with DS just couple weeks apart, the video you made of Bree for her birthday was the same songs I have used for my girls, same hair clips I make, same religion, I am really happy to connect with you).
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