The DS "Talk"

Ever since Bree was born, one of my biggest concerns was how and when to explain it to Kyra and Adrie. It was not that I wanted to keep it a secret or anything, but I just didn't want them to look at her different or feeling different about her..I just wanted them to see her as Bree and nothing else. I LOVE this post from Heather (who I am SOO glad I finally got to meet in person last week). It is exactly how I have felt about the diagnosis of down syndrome, and why I was hesitant on when and what to tell my girls. I wanted them to love Bree first. Everyone has challenges so it is hard when your challenges seem to label you as a person and I didn't want the label to be what Kyra and Adrie saw when they saw Bree. And that is the great thing about kids, is they don't see that difference. So, we have never talked to them about what down syndrome is, we talk about it openly with family and friends so I had assumed they had heard the words but just overhearing them. Lately Kris and I have been feeling like we should probably talk to them about what it is so that they heard it from us and not from someone else. We were starting to feel like the timing was right. The last thing I would want is for them to hear it in a negative way from someone else. They had loved her for 3 years now and so we hoped that this new information would only increase that love. We have also had a few experiences lately where siblings (about our girls ages) of kids with down syndrome have come up to us and were SO excited about Bree and told us all about their sister with down syndrome. We want the girls to be able to be on that end of the experience as well. So last saturday night we had been talking about it and decided we would talk to them on sunday after church. Bree happened to still be asleep when we sat down to dinner so it was a perfect time to talk to the older girls. The conversation went a little like this:

"Have you ever heard the word down syndrome?"

"no"

"Do you know what down syndrome is?"

"no"

"do you know anyone that has down syndrome?"

"no"

"well, down syndrome is something that some people are born with, and Bree happened to be born with it."

Adrie: "so it is just in babies?" "do I still have it?"

"no, just Bree does and it doesnt go away but it is not a bad thing, it just means that Bree needs extra help from us to learn how to do things...you know how some of her friends are doing things that she isn't yet? well she will be able to do those things it just takes her longer to figure out how to do them, and we all have to help her more. Heavenly Father made Bree, and people with down syndrome special and not every family gets to have someone with down syndrome in their family so we think we are pretty lucky to have her." ( I have also always been worried about talking about how Bree is special because I didn't want them to feel like they weren't special...)

Adrie "YES! We are special!"

Kyra: "Why, are we special?

"Well what is it that you love about Bree?

Girls:" she is so happy, she loves everyone and she always makes us laugh and smile."

"That's right. Just like some people are better at math, some at sports, some have blue eyes, some have brown..everyone is different and everyone is good at different things. When Heavenly Father made Bree he made her REALLY good at loving people and being kind to everyone."

Kyra: "OHHHH now, I can tell Halle (her best friend)...

"what do you mean?"

Kyra "well the other day on the bus Halle and I were talking about how we didn't know why Avery (Halle's sister who is 6 months younger than BRee) is younger than BRee but is talking more than Bree. NOw I can tell her why."

"Yeah it is ok to talk about it, it isn't a bad thing and it isn't a secret and it doesn't make Bree any different...she is still Bree."

We talked more about some of the down syndrome events we have gone to and why Bree will be going to a new preschool to help her learn lots of things and throughout it all Kyra kept getting teary eyed and tried to change the subject a few times to stop from showing us her emtion, we didn't know if she was getting emotional because she was touched by the spirit or if she was sad or nervous about it all. She started heading upstairs saying she wanted to go see if Bree was awake. She went in BRee's room and closed the door for a little while and when I came in she was just sitting there hugging Bree.

So we left it at that and then before bed we decided to do a little family night since Kris is working so much right now. So we asked Kyra to pick a story from the Friend magazine. She went through the contents of a couple of magazines before choosing one about a little girl who was so caught up in her new dress at church that she missed out on feeling the spirit there.

So we were asking the girls if they had ever felt that good feeling or maybe even had tears that were happy tears because they felt Heavenly Father talking to them. Kyra said "I have felt it 2 times...Once when we were talking about Bree at dinner, and once yesterday when I was watching the birthday video with the pictures of Bree." And Kyra proceeded to cry...and so did I ...and so did KRis. As we were crying and talking Kyra said "we just learned in class at church today about how Heavenly Father watches over us and how he talks to us and now it REALLY happened to me."
We talked a little more about how Heavenly Father knew what good sisters they would be to Bree and that's why he chose them to be in her family.

I feel so relieved that it turned out so wonderful. I know Heavenly Father knew my concerns and knew how to touch the girls hearts in the right way at the right time. I have been worrying about this "talk" for 3 years now and it couldn't have gone any better.