The Big first Day

 My "littles" started kindergarten yesterday....all day kindergarten.

They will be going to the special ed class all morning and then eat lunch and have a little quiet time and then go to the regular ed classroom in the afternoon accompanied by 2 aides. So although I know having them go all day will give them more opportunities, it is hard to let go.

It is hard with any of my children to send them off to school and into the world knowing they are now with someone else more of the day then they are with me, but with Bree and Mia it is especially hard. 

The night before the girls started school I went to tuck them into bed and was overcome with emotion. 

 As I looked at Bree's sweet face asleep on the pillow I thought...How can this day be here already?

 She is supposed to still be my tiny newborn baby who I can shelter and protect at all times. Ever since she was born I have dreaded the day when I would have to send her into "the real world" because I knew when that day came I could no longer be at her side to protect her and make sure people were kind to her...

 I would not be able to make sure people understood her and accepted and loved her as I loved her and I was scared to death. What makes it worse is that with the lack of typical communication, my 5 year old could not tell me if people were being mean to her or is she was unhappy at school.

 As I watched her sleeping and thinking how can I let her go into "the real world" I looked over at her sister sleeping next to her and a whole new set of emotions came.

Here was our little Mia who only a year and a half ago was all alone in the world and had no chance at life

and now she was going to get to go to school and learn and grow and do things that people in her culture never dreamed possible for someone like her.

I thought about how far this little girl has come in a year and a half and how brave she is to be willing to jump into new things every single day

Her ability to trust and learn is amazing to me

One of my favorite back to school traditions is the father's blessings they each receive (and I always ask for one too). The minute Bree's (and now Mia's) blessings start Kris and I are both a blubbering mess because they are so close to the spirit it is tangible. In Bree's back to school blessing this year Kris talked about how Bree has affected so many lives for good and how so many miracles have come about in our life and the lives of others because of Bree. Because without Bree we would never have found Mia. And without Mia, others would never have found their families. 

Bree is Mia's guardian angel...she paved the way for her and now they get to experience life together.

When I was struggling with all the emotions of what this day really means, my dear friend said " What you didn't know when Bree was born, was that she'd have a best friend to go out into the real world with!"


                                                  
 When we were considering adopting Mia, one of our concerns was how it would affect Bree...she would obviously not get as much of our attention if we had another child with down syndrome, and although there are moments when I think about that, I quickly feel an amazing gratitude that they have each other and that we have BOTH of them. They each have taught, and continue to teach me different things.

They are going to rock this school thing together I can already tell!

I cried all the way to the school...before we had even got out of the car I had tears

Sometimes as these new milestones arrive I am reminded again that down syndrome does affect our experiences and  I start to get caught up in all the "what ifs " of the future and the things that may or may not be.

Going into this year I am worried and unsure of how to juggle these "two worlds"....

                                                 (Bree got quiet and clingy for a few minutes which was hard, but then she was all smiles)

The special ed world

 and the regular ed world

will they fit in to both of them? 

will they fit in to neither of them? 

what is best for my girls? 

and as I started to worry and feel anxious about what kind of experiences Bree and Mia will have at school I found a comment from another friend that hit the spot 

                                                           (the girls with their regular ed teacher Miss Wright)

(Mia and her friend Ruthie from preschool)

She said "God has sent this daughter(s) to you just the way she is because he has many, many great plans! She is there to teach all those kids at school things they will NEVER learn from their teachers. How awesome is that?"

Pretty awesome I must say!

We may not share some of the same experiences with Bree and Mia that we share with our other girls but we will still have amazing experiences with Bree and Mia, and we will have some with them that our other girls won't have,

so in the end, yes, sometimes the what ifs?

come up but it seems like they are quickly replaced by the "look what I will do anyways"

and "its going to be better than you ever imagined"

This day was harder than I had anticipated....

Our little Breezy and our little Mia are growing up

 I cried the UGLY cry as I hugged my girls goodbye and walked out of their classroom. (good thing no picture of that ha ha)

Wondering and worrying if I had done enough with the time I had with them the last 5 / 1 years.
And if they were going to be loved and accepted and safe...if people would know how to meet their needs when they were trying to express them...
and most of all if they were going to be happy.

 And boy was I excited to see them at the end of the day and have them run to me with their huge contagious smiles that light up the room and hear that they had done well!

These two constantly teach me that "Different" is NOT Less and I sure Love them!!!!