Dear Santa...

All I want for Christmas is a family.....


At Christmas time my heart always turns to Mia and my emotions are so raw as I think of the Christmas season 3 years ago when my heart strings were being pulled towards something unknown.

It was at this time of year that I was soul searching and praying for answers to where our road was supposed to lead.

At the same time, there was a little girl sitting alone in an orphanage in Ukraine.

She had never met Santa.

She had never experienced the joy of his magic

She didnt know that this season of Christmas was about the love of a family.

but she did know that if she had a Christmas wish it would be to have a family to call her own.

At the same time, there were strangers rallying around this little girl, raising money for her and spreading the word that she needed a family, and she needed them soon.

Right before Christmas 3 years ago, I found these blog posts...

reading them again, and seeing the picture that changed our lives, gives me chills.

(taken from Patti's blog Dec. 2010)

"updated to add- Olga's fund has grown so large, that we are sure she is about to find her forever family. Several families have made serious inquires about her- and although nobody has committed to her yet, I feel confident that Olga will be rescued. And I promise to update you as soon as I can:)

In light of this overwhelming success for Olga, we asked Andrea Roberts to allocate all donations coming in after 12/17 to this little sweetie...

KareenBorn January 15, 2007

This pretty muffin is waiting for her family! She is healthy, with no heart condition noted in her records. She has brown hair and hazel eyes, and is already up and learning to walk! Her records indicate “meiotic nondisjunction”, but this is just a fancy word for what happens to create “Down syndrome” genetically. She is considered higher functioning and is really doing well. She is an orphanage favorite, and the director has asked for a family to save her from the institution.

I asked Andrea to give me the name of a child facing the institution...and she gave me the name of Kareen. My heart just melted when I saw her."

This Home for christmas giveaway changed Mia's life and ours. The questions Patti was wondering at the time "And what will that new day bring?A home? Safety? Peace? A loving family to protect her and love her and cherish her, and show her the value that her little life truly is? A mama to kiss her and hold her and teach her all the little things a little girl should know...most of all love? A daddy to watch over her and care for her? Parents to hold her when she's hurting and pray for her and show her tenderness and give her everything a little girl deserves?" 

Mia now has all those things and reflecting on that christmas season 3 years ago when she did not, and we were being pulled to her just makes me so thankful for the many miracles that fell into place in order for her to come home. I remember that Christmas, before we actually committed to Mia, I sat watching my other 3 girls open their christmas gifts and dance on their new dance floor and all I could think about was that Mia (Kareen) was supposed to be there too. 

Since being home with Mia our lives have gone into overdrive with the miracle of the twins and adjusting to the dynamics of our family and I often think about all the other children like Mia who are still waiting for their Christmas wish to come true, to have a family of their own, and my heart gets heavy because I wish I could do more.

I wish I could be the family that each of these precious children are waiting for ... but I can't.

So what can I do?

I can pray for them.

I can continue to share our story in hopes that others will be lead to find their child.

Sometimes I think everyone knows Mia's story and are tired of hearing about it, but then I realize that often times it is for me. when days are hard and we have our struggles, it always puts it into perspective to remember what she started life with and how far she has come.

And I can act on the promptings I have been having lately that I need to let Mia's story and her light continue to spread through this blog. For whatever reason, I have really felt strongly lately that maybe there is someone who needs to hear Mia's story again, or for the first time, or someone who needs to learn about the children who are forgotten, or someone who needs to know that sometimes the answers we think we are looking for are not at all the ones we thought we wanted.

When I found Mia she was not the answer I thought I was going to find.

I had never thought of adoption! I had 3 children biologically, so why would I need to adopt?

Once my heart realized maybe adoption was my answer, I said to myself "ok then, if thats the case, then I will find a new baby." Because after all, I had recently lost a baby through a difficult misscarriage and I needed a baby.

But that was not what I needed at all...

I needed this little girl

and she needed me 

 

A few weeks ago, Kris and I were talking about Mia and about adoption and we said,
"of course we love that we can give Mia these material things like new dolls, and dress ups, and toys, because every child deserves that and she never had that has a toddler or an infant, so its even more fun to spoil her with it now, but you know what? Mia doesn't care what she wears or what she plays with, she just cares that she is loved.

She cares that she now has a sister in the bed next to hers that she can climb in with when she is scared.

She cares that she has a place to call home

and a family to call her own.

There are so many children just waiting for their mom and their dad to find them and to have the faith to follow their heart and bring them home.

These children don't need an abundance of riches...they just need love,

and a chance to shine.

The changes in Mia since she has come home have nothing to do with us being in the least bit special, because I assure you we are not. Its as simple as having a family that loves you and a place to call home. We never thought we could handle even one child with special needs and yet now we have two.


There are SO many children just like Mia who are longing to know what love is at this Christmas time.

I am usually not very bold but I remember when we were stewing over the idea of if we could really say yes, and commit to bringing Mia into our family, and I remember my friend Lisa's blog post that day (who at the time had no idea I was about to commit to Mia) read "Just say yes!" and Mia's sweet picture was under that heading. So I will say, if you are considering or have ever had these feelings, please think about saying yes. It will stretch your heart and change your life in ways you never thought possible! Is it always easy? heavens no, but it is worth it.

Her life is worth it.

As a dear friend said "If you've ever thought about adoption don't wait because you feel like everything has to be perfect because these kids don't need perfect, they need a family and they need love. "

Every single time I hear this song tears flow as I think of Mia wishing for these things once upon a time, and as I think of all the children still waiting now.

Although this video was made 2 years ago, it is worth sharing again.




In church we were talking about what makes the christmas season special? what is the "feeling of christmas?"

 the answer is "peace" . The peace that we feel from our Savior is the feeling of Christmas . At this Christmas time, I am grateful that Mia now feels that peace in her life,

and that we feel peace knowing that we traveled the road we were supposed to that lead us to her.


May we all help one another feel the peace that this Christmas season brings.

Merry Christmas from the Cox family.



If you are not familiar with Mia's journey home you can find it at our adoption blog www.kareensjourneyhome.blogspot.com

Mothers Day guest post

I was honored to be asked to guest post on another blog in a motherhood series.

Here is the link to the piece

http://www.yourhandsfull.blogspot.com/2013/05/motherhood-series-kecia-cox.html#.UYqyreBJX31

Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing women in my life!

An answer to prayers

I know, I know, its shocking that I am sitting down to a blog post today...especially since I am moving in 2 days but for one I really want to find time for blogging again, and maybe this will jump start it ha ha....(if I even have followers on here anymore, its been so long lol)

 but the real reason for todays post is a continuation of Mia's miracle!

For those that followed Mia's journey, you may remember me talking about little "N" in this post

HERE

The little girl who we could only refer to as "N" for her privacy protection at the time, had an immediate impact on mine and Kris' hearts from the moment we met her! If we could have taken her home too, we would have.

This is what I wrote about this sweet little girl 2 years ago

"The cutest is to hear little "N", from her groupa say her name. "N" is also 4 but looks like she is about 10 months old so when she talks it is surprising from her little body. She calls her "Ksusha" and she always says "Ksusha papa" or "Ksusha Mama" when we come in. This little angel "N" is melting my heart more and more. (She is the one I talked about the other day a little, and if you watch the video of Mia running to greet me, she is in the left of the picture for a minute sitting at the end of her crib) It doesn't matter what her condition in life is, she is ALWAYS smiling. She can't walk and her legs are deformed but yet she still smiles. The caregivers always carry her to come and see us and yesterday I asked if I could hold her but they said no because of her frail condition (or so I gathered from their gestures towards her legs) but they always let me hold her hand and rub her back. You can literally feel a tangible celestial spirit about this one! She is here to grace this world with her presence and no matter what happens or what condition she finds herself in, she smiles and she just radiates her pure innocence. I believe she is closer to our Father in Heaven than we could imagine. I wish there was something I could do for her! I wish I could give her a family too. For now, I am thankful that I was allowed to know her for the brief few minutes we get to see her each day. She is truely an angel on earth!"

When we left Mia's orphanage for the last time, I still remember this little angels sweet smile and she waved goodbye to her childhood friend "Ksusha" and "Ksusha's mama and papa". Mia would watch over this little friend and hand her toys off the floor when she would drop them from her crib, and as we left for the last time, my heart sank because little "N" was not even listed on Reeces Rainbow and the thought of her being close to institution age, and not having a chance at a family, just broke my heart! All I could do, was pray.

Pray for her that she would be watched over

Pray for her that somehow she would be added to the RR database 

Pray for her that she would have a family see her potential and the light and she had to offer

So I prayed

As we boarded the train back to Kiev a few days later, we were given a folder from our facilitator with some photos and info on some children who they were hoping to get listed on RR. 

And what picture is in that file?

This one

 a baby picture of little "N" 

My heart skipped a beat and I started to cry...

Well a few months after being home with Mia I checked with RR to see what ever became of this file and no one had seen it yet from the Ukraine team so I kept praying and went on with life, always remembering this sweet little angel and wondering how she was. 

Time went on and I became so busy I never saw if she was placed on RR or not, but I still kept her in my prayers, and then on Sept 13, 2012 I get a message on facebook saying this 

"I left my email address on your blog. I was told you adopted Mia from the same orphanage where Alexandra is on Reece's Rainbow. I was just wondering what it was like there. I read a good bit on your blog. Congrats on the sweet little girl!"

The tears just wouldn't stop as I realized my prayers for Nastyia finally finding her family, were possibly coming true. 

My sweet new friend Tammie Frye and I then conversed almost daily 

From Tammie "

"My story... we adopted a ten year old boy, domestically and he is now 15. Last year we adopted a 16 year old girl from Latvia. She will be 17 in October. I've been looking at RR off and on.... not much really... over the last year. I felt sad for them, but there was no real connection until I saw "Alexandra"... I'll have to get used to calling her Nastyia in my head (but I won't use that if I'm posting publicly). I just couldn't get her out of my head (and heart!) She had around $5,000 in her grant and last week (or so) another child was adopted domestically and her grant money was donated to N. It was over $12,000!!! Last weekend, someone added another $500, so you see how much money she has now!!
The really wild thing is that when she stole my heart, I told God... I cant' adopt her. We just adopted and we're broke!  If you want me to adopt her, I'm going to need a WHOLE lot more money! 9 days after writing this in my prayer journal, Boom! $17,000+!!"

I have had the privilege of following Tammi's journey the last few weeks, but could not share anything publicly about little Nastyia yet.

I have been able to see Tammi walk the same streets we walked, enter the same orphanage rooms we entered, meet the same people we met, and even see Mia's old sleeping room in some of the pictures and it has been amazing!.

We even sent a photo album of Mia over the last 2 years with Tammi to show the orphanage what Mia'a new life is like. 



Today, Tammi stood in the same courtroom we stood in, 

and pleaded her case in front of a judge....

Today little Nastia Kate is an orphan no more!!!!

Today this little angel now has a family to call her own!!! 

Another angel in the story is this sweet lady Tatyana. Remember how part of my prayers were for this little girl to be watched over till her family could find her? 

Well that is what this lady did. 

Tatyana met Nastia in the hospital when she was getting treatments. Nastia has brittle bone disease, and from that day on this sweet lady has visited and been a friend to little Nastia.

More tender mercies every step of the way.

Watching little Nastia the last few weeks has been miraculous! 

I didn't think her smile could get bigger or brighter but it has!

She already had an amazing glow about her little spirit, but now that she is loved my a family, her light is unstoppable!

Today I am thankful again for the threads that weave us all together and for God's hand in our lives! 

He really is in the details of our lives and He hears and answers our prayers!

Congratulations Frye family on the new addition of this little angel! 

Thank you for being the answer to my prayers and rescuing Nastia!

 Maybe one day Mia and Nastia will get to meet again....


(BTW I am lots better at keeping up on my day to day activities via instagram these days so if you want you can follow me there I would love it...username keciacox)

You are now cured of Twin to Twin transfusion syndrome....

....and now we wait to see if the babies survived the surgery."

Those were the words  I heard one year ago today as the doctor finished up the in utero twin to twin transfusion syndrome surgery to save my babies lives.

One year ago today we were far away from family and friends, alone in a strange hospital preparing to undergo a risky life saving surgery for our unborn baby girls,

a surgery that would not have been possible even 5-10 years ago.

We were told on monday of that week at our check up that we needed to be in California by wed. and would have the surgery thursday, so it was a whirlwind of information and trying to cope with it all so quickly was hard. I remember Kris and I watching THIS video of the surgery that we would be undergoing (this was even our doctor in the video) and just weeping and telling eachother how scared we were.
I watched this video again today for the first time since before the surgery and wept as I saw exactly what I went through. Each step of the video brought back all the feelings of that day. Seeing Dr. Chmait again in this video made me cry tears of gratitude for him and the medical profession that made this surgery possible. Without this procedure, and without this doctor, my baby girls would have died.

The day before the surgery, we had arrived in LA and met with the doctors for our evaluation. As we sat in that waiting room looking at pictures of twins who had gone through this surgery, I couldn't help but worry and wonder if ours would be one of the survivors. As other patients ahead of us came out of the doctors office in tears because their prognosis was not good, I got even more scared. I had 3 miscarriages prior to this point and was so fearful of losing one or even both of these babies.

The night before we left for California we gathered our family around us for a family fast and priesthood blessing. It was one of the most incredible experiences to be able to tangibly feel our families faith and prayers in our living room that night. The spirit of the Lord was so very real and so very close that night as I received a blessing, and Kris received a blessing, to get us through this scary and uncertain trial.

We don’t know that we have ever felt the comforting spirit of the Lord in our life and the calming influence of the spirit as much as we did that night as our family met united in prayer and supplication to the Lord on behalf of these two little babies that we hadn’t even met at that time.

Today we know that the outcome was truly a miracle from the Lord and we are forever grateful for all those of you who excercised your faith on our behalf. I remember sitting in the hotel room the night before the surgery, with tears rolling down my cheeks as I read comments, prayers and well wishes from so many of you and once again being so thankful for all the good people in my life, both those who I know in person and those who I know via the internet. We truly felt of the many prayers sent out for our babies that day!

This was our baby announcement/thank you card that I realized I never posted online to thank all those of you who were a part in helping our babies arrive safely. Through prayers, meals, cards, packages, showers, errands, etc. We THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts! It truly was because of your help that we were blessed with our double miracle! 

We walked into the hospital the morning of the surgery and were shown to a cold room where I got changed and waited to be prepped. I was put on a bed and wheeled down a long cold hallway. As we turned the corner, Kris was told this is where he would have to wait. He gave me a hug and a kiss and was trying really hard to put on a brave face for me as I looked over my shoulder one last time before entering the operating room. He had to wait all alone in the waiting room for the 2 hours wondering if his babies and wife were ok.

I was awake through the surgery and it felt like an eternity from the time the surgeon started until I heard him say "we are done, and you are now cured of TTTS".  As the surgery started, I was able to look at a monitor next to my head and I could see inside my uterus. I could see my babies at 20 weeks. I could see the dark water filled home my babies were growing in.  I could see the life that was inside of me and it was amazing!

 I could see the hands, and feet of my unborn baby girls, and I could hardly control my emotions as I prayed for those little lives. I watched as the doctor surveyed the situation inside my placenta and as he made note of all the blood vessels that were connecting that shouldn't be, and those were the ones he would laser to divide them. There were a lot of them that needed fixing!

Then the monitor was turned off and glasses were put over my eyes and all I heard for the next hour or so  (although it felt like days) was the blast of the laser and the doctors giving instruction to one another. I literally held my breath through each laser blast and prayed "please Heavenly Father bless my babies to survive this, please bless this to work"

 When I was laying all alone on an operating table in California, watching through a monitor as my unborn baby girls were holding on to life , I remember being more scared and feeling more alone than I have ever felt in my whole life. Kris was not allowed to be in the operating room with me and everything was out of my control at this point. All I could do was helplessly lay there and pray my heart out that the Lord would be with me to get us through this. At that moment when I had no one else, I had my Father in Heaven.  I have never felt more grateful to know that He was there for me, then I did that day on that operating table. Once again, I learned that whenever fears and challenges come into our lives…our Father in Heaven will not leave us comfortless.

Towards the end of the surgery I heard the doctors rushing around a bit calling out commands, and I panicked thinking, "oh no something is happening to one of the babies." But it turned out they were just removing the extra  liter of the amniotic fluid that had built up so high. The doctor then turned the monitor back on for me as he showed me the cotterized vessels in my placenta and told me it was over. When he came up by my head and said "Congratulations Kecia, you are now cured of twin to twin transfusion syndrome" I just wept and said "thank you".

When he met with Kris and I after the surgery he said " We have done what we can do and it went as well as we could have hoped, so now we wait. We all need to say a simple prayer tonight...that we find TWO heartbeats tomorrow morning when we do the ultrasound."

We were then moved up to a room where Kris was able to sleep in a bed next to mine, and we waited.
Probably the longest 24 hours of my life. Towards the evening I began to feel little movements in my stomach which gave me hope that things were ok, but I did not know if those little movements were just one or both of the babies. I was given some good meds for pain so I was able to sleep a little through the night, but Kris didn't. When we woke up, the nurse brought in a wheel chair and said it was time to go check on these babies. The moment of truth had arrived.

As I laid in the doctors office tightly holding Kris' hand watching the monitor as the doctor started the ultrasound, we held our breath.....

The room was silent as the doctor started surveying the babies and finally his voice said...

"There is one heartbeat....

and....


there is the second heartbeat.....

congratulations! Both babies survived the surgery."

Kris and I squeezed hands and cried!

The doctor told us that we were now to go home on full bed rest. We were not out of the woods completely because now we would have to wait and see how the babies learned to adjust to the new conditions and then hope they could make it as close to term as possible. We would also have to pray that my cervix continued to improve from the damage that the TTTS had caused it from all the extra pressure from the extra fluid, and hope that it would hold up for the rest of the pregnancy.

That day began our 5 months of bed rest. At the time it was hard, but we knew we could handle a few months of discomfort to have a lifetime with these girls.

4 days after the surgery we had a follow up appt with the perinatologist here and continued to see miracles. In just those few days, Baby A (Claire) fluid level had gone from .2 up to 3 and we could finally for the first time see her able to move freely in her sac! Before this point, she had always been as if she was suran wrapped and could not move so to watch her move easily, again brought us to tears! Her bladder had also started working again and showed up on the ultrasound. Baby B (Livvy) sac was also starting to lose fluid and rest closer to a normal level. The doctors could not believe what they were seeing. They new how things looked before the surgery and they could not believe how quickly things were looking up now. Another miracle!

Taken from my post a year ago "I can't even express in words my gratitude and the emotions we are feeling right now! we have truely witnessed a miracle and are so incredibly grateful for all the prayers, for this AMAZING Dr. Chmait, and for the Lord's hand in all of this! it is nothing short of a miracle...a huge one! As we thanked the doctor and his nurse it was hard because how do you adequately thank someone for saving your 2 babies lives??!!! There were really no words to use, just emotion and tears...lots of happy tears!!!"Dr. Chmait said we take one step at a time and now that we have this HUGE step behind us, we can focus on getting the babies to term...The babies are now cured of twin to twin transfusion syndrome and now we just need them to make it to term. We couldn't be more grateful."

Today, one year later, as I look at my little miracles, I often just cry. I am so grateful for the surgery that gave us a second chance with our babies.

As Livvy talks and coos to Claire, we can't help but think she was probably talking to her sister in utero as Claire was the one whose body started to shut down before the surgery, saying "its ok sis, they are going to fix us."

"Just hang on a little longer"

I am so grateful they fought together and were both able to be saved.

If you would have told me when I was growing up, or even when I was first married and starting to have children, that my family would have come to me the way it has, I would not have believed you.

I never imagined I would have a hard time bringing children to this earth, or that I would lose 3 pregnancies along the way. 




I never imagined, or planned, on having two children with special needs, 

I never imagined that one of my children would be brought into this world by someone else, but that I would travel around the globe to a 3^rd world country to bring her home to her family, 

I never imagined I would have identical twin girls, 

whose entrance into this world would teach me so much about love, service, compassion, and sacrifice. 

But it was all part of the plan for our family. 

"The road of life has many turns. Sometimes the road of life takes us to a place we had planned....sometimes it shows us a surprise around the bend we could never have anticipated.  but often we find it is only when we look back that we can see that what we had thought was a "wrong turn" has brought us to exactly the right place and every step was a right one after all!"